


John Watson has the stupidest boyfriend in the world

by DrBDamned (orphan_account)



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Creepy things scaring poor wee John, Guns, I imagine Jim and John probably have a lot of the sex, I mean Mr. Sex and Three Continents Watson, M/M, Nightmares, right??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-12
Updated: 2015-03-12
Packaged: 2018-03-17 13:15:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3530756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/DrBDamned
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If this were a horror film John would have left Jim for dead by now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	John Watson has the stupidest boyfriend in the world

John is sitting up before he's fully conscious, the last vestiges of a nightmare still clouding his sleep-addled mind. Gripping the sheets, he tries to blink away the images left behind from his dream. And what a creepy ass dream it was. All dark and spooky and shit. And that fucking Gollum-like thing scratching at the door, I mean, the fu-

Something cuts John off from his brain ramblings and his heart skips a beat. He tries to tell himself that it's just his mind playing tricks on him. He's wound up after the nightmare. _Monsters don't exist, Watson_. Pulling in a long, deep breath, he tries to slow his racing pulse OH DEAR MOTHER OF SHITTING FUCK WHAT IS THAT NOISE??!!!

John all but slaps Jim awake.

“Jim! Jim! I think I can hear something scratching at the door!”

Jim groans and shoves his face even further into the pillow they were sharing when they first drifted off after all the sex.

“Go to sleep.”

Nooooo! This is always how the non-believer behaves in a horror film before they get deaded! John doesn't want his Jimjim deaded! Not his snugglewump, his grumpypoo, his buttmuncher (and he means that in a very all too literal sense).

“No, Jim! There's something scratching at the door! Jim!” The doctor pushes at his boyfriend's shoulder, but the angle's kinda awkward and Jim can be mighty heavy when the bastard wants to be, so it looks more like a cat demanding attention from it's owner.

Jim lets out a low groan, and John would be turned on if he weren't so gosh darn terrified.

“Go back to sleep, kitten.”

“No, Jim! Jiiiiiiiiim! There's something out there! And I don't think I can just shoot this thing, Jim! I can't shoot the undead!”

The consulting criminal's hands are squeezing the edges of the pillow and he's thumping his head repeatedly against the non-edible marshmallow.

“Jim.”

…

“Jim! Stop being a dick and call your security team to deal with the supernatural being!”

…

“Jim... Jim. Jim! Jiiiiim! JIM! Jaaaaaames! JIMMMMMMM!”

“Go the FUCK to SLEEP, you little bitch!”

A beat in which Moriarty holds his breath and John's eyebrows go full power scowl.

“How can I go back to sleep wh- “

In a flash a thin yet firm hand reaches out and latches around John's neck, before shoving the poor doctor down hard enough for him to bounce twice before he settles next to his sexy boyfriend with whom he is very mad at right now, despite the fact that he's so sexy.

Jim finally moves, not to reach for his phone much to John's dismay, but rather to shuffle over so that he's almost completely on top of John, his surprisingly heavy weight keeping John in place, and one of those firm, sexy, sexy, magic- ahem... hands covering John's mouth.

 

The silence that follows is filled with so much pure, unadulterated, kittenish rage and disbelief on John's part that Jim is almost too afraid to breathe.

But then the little one lets out a resigned huff as he gives squinty evil eyes to the heavy weight on top of him, and Jim allows himself to grin smugly up at his John, especially when he notices that the glare directed at him is turning more sleepy than angry now.

Finally, the boys settle down again. Jim starts drifting off to the gentle thumping of John's heartbeat against his ear, and John wraps his arms around Jim's slim waist, safe in the knowledge that if they are attacked by something the monster will likely go for Jim first so that John has time to escape.

 

John thinks he must be in the middle of a dream again when the door flies open with a loud bang. But his eyes snap open as soon as Jim screams and scrabbles off of him and then John's screaming because Jim's screaming and his nightmare IS REAL, except his screams are kind of muffled because Jim's hand is still covering his mouth for some reason.

The army doctor isn't sure what's happened to his reflexes, but he sure is glad that his Jimjam doesn't seem to be having the same problem as he reaches over John to grab the gun off dressing table and starts shooting like a maniac at the open door, bullets and bits of wood and plaster flying everywhere. He isn't sure if they're both still screaming or not, because all he can hear is the ringing in his ears until finally the gun runs out of bullets and Jim realises that he's only succeeded in ruining their walls.

He drops the gun on the duvet and turns to John. Both men stare at each other with wide eyes, panting (but not in the sexy way). John subconsciously takes in the fact that his mouth is still covered by Jim's now sweaty and shaking hand (again, not in the sexy way). He wants to say a lot of things about how Jim really is a terrible shot, and that he should learn to wake the fuck up when John tells him there's something about to kill them outside, but the genius (some bloody fudging genius, doesn't even believe in monsters when John tells him to) beats him to it.

 

“We'll go looking for a new flat tomorrow, dear.”

John can only nod.

**Author's Note:**

> Well this is my first time writing fanfiction. It's just something a bit silly to get me started. Hope you like it! I've noticed there's just not enough Johniarty fanfiction out there (and I LOVE Johniarty!) so I'll maybe write some more of that? It really depends on if you guys like it. Reviews are very welcome! Please tell me what you think!
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own Sherlock


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